The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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