I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
