i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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