I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
