This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
