He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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