I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
