You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
