Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
