Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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