So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
