I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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