And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
