we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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