It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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