Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
