Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
