just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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