I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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