Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
