guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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