This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
