I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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