I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
