Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
