i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
