This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We got so high we made milksteak
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
