I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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