pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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