just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
