Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
