Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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