I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
