Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
