seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
