Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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