She went from zero to smokin in five shots
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
