Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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