the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
