I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
