eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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