don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
