My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
