You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
