Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
