i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
