I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
