1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
