You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
God, I missed his penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
