Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
