I think my fart just growled at me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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