Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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