Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
