felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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