you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
