my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
