my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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