yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
