Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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