she was so not down for the gang bang
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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