i permit you to call me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
