would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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