I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
