he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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