I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
