i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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